A shout out.

By Sarah Horrigan

Have you ever had one of those moments that seems quite normal at the time, but as you look back on it, it becomes unforgettable? I have this one simple memory that I keep reliving from the past few weeks. A friend of my came over for the afternoon for a good, long walk. We hadn't gotten to hang out one-on-one in awhile, and we had both been going through a lot, she more than I. But this was the amazing thing, even in the rough road she was facing, she was quietly listening and encouraging me as we strolled. After walking for a bit and talking my guts out, I suddenly realized how selfish and one-sided the conversation had been. I began to apologize, but my friend stopped me and began telling me a story: 

"One day," she said, "my mother was sitting in a hospital with a sick friend, and she was going on about how horrible my teacher was at the time (or something to that effect).  And suddenly, just as you stopped, my mother stopped talking and burst into tears, 'Listen to me rambling about teachers when you are battling cancer,' mom cried. And Laura, do you know what her friend said? Lying there sick in bed, my mom's friend said, 'We all have our cancers.' So, don't apologize - this is your cancer right now."

I was astonished. What grace and empathy to understand and care about my mole hill next to her mountain! And as we continued walking and talking, unexpected dark clouds rolled in and unleashed their fury upon our walk. The downpour had a movie-like quality, mimicking our unbridled emotions and making the moment feel so private. We were completely separate from the world, only able to hear each other in the shroud of rain. And then it eased up as quickly as it came. We both began to laugh. We had walked through the rain like it was sunshine, almost unknowingly, and our clothes stuck to us, hanging heavy and unflattering. Whatever this was, it was friendship; it was a God-send. 

So, now a shout out to a girl who really knows how to love people well and who has just started her own blog chronicling, ironically, a very different kind of walk... Check out Keep Walking: The Story of Mary Anna Caldwell by Kari Caldwell.

And I guess too this is a blog to say, treasure those little memories and the sweet nuggets of wisdom that come from friends. I certainly don't do that often enough.

Pardon my Rambling

((lovely clusters))

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated, but life just keeps moving faster than I can keep up with.  And I think too, I’ve been mulling over something, and now I can finally write about it. In the past couple of weeks, I have totally struck down by something I don’t have:

Gratitude.

Frankly put, I’m just not a grateful human being most of the time.  Recently, my job in the English department has been copying hundreds of papers as a personal assistant.  I was spending two hours a day standing in a copy room, and every night, I was coming home thinking of all that I “deserved.”  Do any of you do this? I admit it, I am guilty – after doing something that I think seems hard or torturous, I find all these little things that I think I “deserve” because I’ve had a hard day.  I deserve to eat a bunch of chocolate kisses and not to my homework. I deserve a night of drinking wine with my friends. I deserve a night not doing dishes.

Now, I honestly don’t mean to say that any of these lovely things are bad. Chocolate & wine? Are you kidding? No, instead I got to thinking about what it was that I really deserved. A friend of my family lost her husband last March, but continued to share her thoughts… This week she wrote,

“I think bitterness hijacks grief because we can’t let go of our sense of entitlement. We think, I work hard, I’m a good person; my life should go the way I want it to and I should have the things I desire. There shouldn’t be pain or heartbreak or evil because I deserve a life of ease, comfort and pleasure. That’s just simply not so.

It is odd that we only stop to ask, and sometimes demand, “Why God?!” when pain enters. During the times of plenty we don’t ask, “Why God? Why would you give me this husband? This family? This job? These friends? This home… this abundance.” (Cabell Sweeney)

As I read her words, I wanted to bite my tongue. I had been thinking of myself as Anne Hathaway, Devil Wears Prada of the English Department. How ridiculous. How silly I looked complaining about such trivial discomfort. Ungratefully, I had forgotten how blessed I am to have a job where I don’t have to pay a dime for school, and they even pay ME. I have so much to be grateful for. Just this simple thought made me consider deeply all my qualms with life, my disappointments, my frustrations… and I realized that so often my discontentment comes from a skewed view of my life. Instead of remembering that my real “wages” are death, that really I don’t deserve the wonderful life I have, I had become focused on what I thought I was entitled to… "a good, easy life." And guess what? No such entitlement.

What about you? Are there things in your life that are the seed of your discontentment? What if you step back, look at them again, and remember that all God has done for you. "Why God?" Oh, so humbling.

            It is good to give thanks to the LORD,

            to sing praises to your name, O Most High;

             to declare your steadfast love in the morning,

           and your faithfulness by night…

               For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work;

         at the works of your hands I sing for joy.

     (Psalm 92:1, 2 & 4 ESV)