Proud Flesh

This weekend, I had the pleasure of hearing a poet named Jane Hirschfield speak. As she read one of her poems, one of the images in a line stuck in my mind, and I have been thinking about it ever since I heard it. Proud Flesh. The poem reads, 

and see how the flesh grows back

across a wound, with a great vehemence,
more strong
than the simple, untested surface before.
There's a name for it on horses,
when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

as all flesh
is proud of its wounds, wears them
as honors given out after battle,
small triumphs pinned to the chest --

(For What Bind Us) 

Not being a horse person, I did not know exactly what it meant, but frankly, it sounded beautiful. But truth be told, it sounded beautiful because I knew I myself have proud flesh, outside and in. When I was a kid, I loved to tell the stories of my battle-scars; I thought of them as life-trophies.

But then I thought of my other proud flesh, the scar tissue of my hardened heart, the locked closets of my soul. Those were the callouses that kept me from believing the promises of the Gospel sometimes, and those callouses gave me a right (in my head) to keep people at a distance. Suddenly, thinking about it this way, proud seemed to be the perfect word for my flesh. That was when I googled the term. I had to know what proud flesh really was, and let me tell you, it is not pretty. Proud flesh is a horrible disfiguring for a horse, and it can significantly lower the animal's abilities. Wow, their proud flesh was just like mine - hard to get rid of, stubborn and crippling.

So, why are we so attached to our scars? Why do we let them define us? Why don't we want healing sometimes? Why are we so proud? Unable to answer my own questions, I was reminded of Jesus's words in John 5, when He looks at the crippled man and asks, "Do you want to be healed?" For years I've read that verse and thought Jesus was crazy for asking. Of course he wanted to walk, Jesus! And yet, here I am, clinging to my proud flesh, not sure I want to walk... are you scarred too?

"And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. 
I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh." 
(Ezekiel 11:19 ESV)