Meet the Ornaments: part 2

Meet the Guardian Angel. I really do appreciate her sincere desire on my behalf. But every night I pray that she is someone else's guardian angel. "Why?" you may ask, "She seems pleasant enough, floating through the boughs of your nylon Christmas tree." I'll tell you why. If guardian angels are going to watch over you, THEY NEED BIGGER EYES. I want the angel watching my back to see in very large, crisp detail, not tiny, blurry shapes and colors.

There is another minor detail that disturbs me about this guardian angel.  Notice the lovely, handwritten sign bearing her wish?  The angel had to write down this message because IT DOESN'T HAVE A MOUTH. I need a guardian angel that can vocalize some kind of warning if I'm in danger. Suppose this angel did detect some imminent danger through its tiny pinhole eyes. It must then furiously scribble a warning in delicate gold letters, telling me of the danger which surely has already killed me dead. Even if the angel did display the message in time, I'm not a very good reader, and it has tiny handwriting.

So, I hope you're having a wonderful Christmas season, and I would advise you to pray that this isn't your guardian angel either.